I HAVE TO SAY THIS...

As I take yet another break from my academics, I figure I should blog. I haven't really done a true blog in a while so just work with me. =]

You know what scares me? JOB HUNTING! With the way the economy is going these days, I'm scared that I won't be able to find a decent job. The fact that I'm trying to find a job in higher education makes it much harder because of budget cuts and hiring freezes. If I want to have my dream job, I have to relocate and I don't know if I'm willing to do so. Even though I am applying to out of state jobs, I doubt that I'll be hired in any of them. I hear the advice that staying in school is the best thing to do right now in this economy. With the idea of Washington State raising tuition as high as 14% in the next two years, going to school would be more expensive. Graduate and work in a difficult economy or pay more money to stay in school? I paid my dues and am taking a gamble by getting my degrees and finding a job. No turning around for me. I kinda wish that I applied to graduate school now, but hopefully things would turn out my way.

As I worked on my resume, I wondered what's so special about me. What's so special about Ed, anyways? I just don't know if I am ready to enter the real world, even though I know I'm ready to be finished with college. A lot of jobs in higher education require at least a Master's degree and years of work experience. What will I have at the end of this? Two Bachelor's degrees and a number of volunteer experiences. Even though right now I can proudly say that I managed to graduate from college not only a year early, but it took me three years to finish two degrees, I don't think that would matter once I start finding a job.

I recently was on the phone with my mom and she was telling me that her co-worker's daughter is planning to return to her job at a grocery store after graduation. My response? I refuse to work at a fast food restaurant after graduation. I'm sorry, but I didn't work hard for a college education to end up asking, "For here or to-go?" That type of job is okay while you're in school, but post-graduation? NO WAY! NOT FOR ME! I would feel degraded if I ended up with a job like that.

I realize that I could be potentially competing for jobs with people who won't even have a college education. I went to college for the education and I learned how to apply what I learned into the real world, but I won't exactly have the hands on experience yet. The educated, yet lacking experience vs. the experienced, yet uneducated. Who will you choose? They say that a Bachelor's degree is the new high school diploma. That means in a few weeks, I'll be in the same position I was in three years ago.

I didn't know how stressful job hunting could be. I never imagined the day that this day would come for me. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to grow up yet and I could just be a child again. Am I forcing myself to grow up and meet to the status quo? I'm thinking about things I never thought about thinking of. Growing up, repaying my student loans, wanting to get my own place, working a full time job. There is so much to take in.

As late as a couple of weeks ago, I was stressed about graduating from college. I knew people had doubts of me even getting into a college, and I was worried about that too. After receiving a rejection letters from Seattle University and the University of Washington, I didn't think I'd be accepted to Washington State University. Somehow I got in. I have to admit, I did have a few obstacles in high school that gave me my doubts, but I made it. The reality of graduation started to hit me when I went for my final advising session with the Sociology department and I got my degree application and then that reality became more surreal when the semester started and once I got my cap & gown a few weeks ago. I became less stressed about graduation, but now I believe that I can actually finish since the end of the road is near.

Earlier today I was looking through all of my memory cards and looking at pictures from 2006, so pretty much from senior year of high school to today. Just looking at the old pictures almost had me shedding a tear or two. From my freshman year to this year, I guess I would have to say things are going to end bittersweet. As much as I appreciate the friendships I have gained [and potentially lost] the first two years, I am ready to move on. I can't really describe it, or maybe I don't want to. I guess this year I learned who my friends are and I feel like it's not as many as I thought I had. Some lines have been crossed, but I'm at a point where it's "whatever." What was meant to be was meant to be. You could say that I learned to become less sympathetic to my surroundings. I've told people that I'd rather move on with my life and not look back, even if it means leaving stuff behind. I know people would see that as being bitter, mean, rude, disrespectful, but honestly it made me a stronger person and I don't care what you think. I had no choice, but to get rid of what was holding me back from my full potential. But then again, there are some bad habits that I just can't quit. After graduation, I'm not looking back. It'll be like, "Peace out, mother fcukers!"

If I could compare my first two years to right now, I would describe as a child riding a bicycle with training wheels. I took off my training wheels this year and I went to explore the world. I'm glad I did it though. I don't even want to think about the "what if's?" In fact, I refuse to!

I think I said all I needed to say. My mind is blank and I'm ready to get my damn Sociology paper started on. I'm sure most of what I said didn't make any sense, but I don't need to tell you exactly what I meant. It made sense in my head.

I am scared and excited to be finished with college next month! [THREE WEEKS OF LECTURE AND ONE WEEK OF FINALS!] It's hard to believe that this chapter of my life is coming to a conclusion.

It's my time to shine. Ready or not, here I come.

I'm on my way. I'm on my way. HOME SWEET HOME!